Imagine being King James and having the most printed translation of the most bought book in the world but still not being the most recognizable King James

whenever my girl needs to step over a puddle I don’t stop at just putting my jacket down for her. I take off all my clothes to make sure she doesn’t get wet. I’ll just stand butt ass naked in the rain if I have to

We finally have a pope who’s eaten a triple dipper from chilis. That’s the closest to god any mortal can be

Huda this Huda that hu da fuck is watching her kid ?

Just got deported to love island

sitting in the driver’s seat of a Waymo uber to feel like I’m contributing in some way

Discovery weekly isn’t garbage this week

Honey I baked the ham

Maybe my best years are behind me

Waymos are great but I’m not sold until they replicate the experience of an uber driver having problematic opinions on minority populations

it’s great that we were able to offset the anti-American presence of bad bunny by bringing Green Day to perform patriotic anthems like “American Idiot”, “Holiday”, and “The American Dream is Killing Me”

Why did they refer to mono by its full Christian here. When I first read this I thought he was being subjected to biological experiments

Today’s like the Super Bowl for people who like football

Knives out is great and all until you realize Hoodwinked did it first

Asking “who all gonna be there” when your boss calls you into work

Two 10 year old boys in my neighborhood riding a single scooter taking turns slapping each other on the back of their heads. Doesn’t get much better than that

Obama at 5 PM on a Friday: uhhh let me drink beer

Frequent flyer programs should be renamed to patient zero programs