Hello MTV, welcome to my crib

Life update:

Few days late but…Zero Sugar Blackberry Dr Pepper® review is in… 💁🏻‍♀️🍇🥴

Waited 2 hrs to not get called for my turn to sign Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn” at karaoke; can’t believe I did half a line for this shjt

Have reached the delirium stage of unemployment and not in the “seeing the Hat Man” type way

Crashing out in the Quest Diagnostics waiting room off half a kpin, psychically willing myself to vasodilate

Born to commit suicide before my 21st birthday; forced to perform autopsies and dissect other people’s neoplastic organs for pay

Witnessing my cat have hiccups for the first time; immediately restoring my will to live

Hypomanic after eating too many cotton candy grapes

Nicole Kidman Wigs: Ranked

Doing highkey Bad

Cosmically willing the synergistic effects of caffeine and Wellbutrin to work in my favor

Another day of aimlessly pacing the apartment and eating a single spoonful of peanut butter from the jar every couple hours because I can’t remember what I got up for

Feel I’m one involuntary psychiatric hold away from getting a Dirty Harry tattoo

SEVEN OLIVES FROM THE JAR IS A MEAL

PICKLE. FIEND.