Cookei Monster movie review: The Green Hornet (2011) Do you have low expektations? Are you annoyed by tings like logic and quality? Are you a cretin? If you answered yes to any of dese questions, den you may enjoy The Green Hornet. Movie open on Russian gangster who visit

Cookie Monster movie review: Megamind (2010) If you loved The Incredibles, den you won’t mind Megamind! It like a diet version of de former – great-looking and still enjoyable, but wit half de charm, humor, and clever plotting. It won’t fill you up wit needless terrifik

Cookie Monster movie review: X-Men: First Class (2011) Watching X-Men: First Class like going on date wit smart, beautiful she-monster who be fantastik company – until she drink too much, start rambling about her ex, linger over espresso, and leave you wishing date could have

Cookie Monster movie review: Thor (2011) Dis movie slower den Snuffleupagus backing up. It take longer to get going den Grover de morning after Furries Night at Ye Olde Sesame Street Pub. Movie begin in 965 AD when Odin, King of Asgard, defeat army of Frost Giants and save de

Cookie Monster movie review: Green Lantern (2011) What if Deadpool became Green Lantern? Dis seem to be de qwestion dis movie try to answer. Unlike its more ambitious predecessors, Green Lantern aspire to be little more den a quasi-entertaining kidz movie. And it aktually

Cookie Monster movie review: Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) No offense to Captain America but, teknically, wasn’t Thor de “First Avenger”? Dis de first qwestion dat cross monster’s mind, followed by “Dis entire movie a period piece?” and “Did me forget to buy cake

Cookie Monster movie review: The Avengers (2012) Dis movie have everyting you would expekt from a summer blockbuster. Humor! Fun! Action! Dazzling speshul effekts! Cracking dialogue! Overlong running time! And some developments dat not make sense – but be pretty cool

Cookie Monster movie review: Abar: The First Black Superman (1977) Monster am drunk reviewing dis movie. Why not? After all, me felt positively sloshed watching it. It full of weird cuts, funky music, bizarre performances, interminable montage sekwences of people driving

Cookie Monster movie review: The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) Hey, you know what movie NOT needed a remake? Spiderman. De original had fun, humor, a great origin story, and a colorful, nuanced villain in Norman Osbore/Green Goblin. Dis new, improved (?) version have half de fun,

Cookie Monster movie review: The Fifth Element (1997) If watching Abar: The First Black Superman like being on two week vodka bender, den watching The Fifth Element definitely involve some heavy drugs. You need dem in order to fully appreciate dis film – preferably acid which

Cookie Monster movie review: Despicable Me (2010) It happen to monster all de time. Me have fond memories of a movie or t.v. show, someting from way back in de day when monster have more fur on top and much less on de bottom (if you know what me mean) but, invariably, when me

Cookie Monster movie review: The Dark Knight Rises (2012) Dis movie remind monster of Snuffleupagus after last year’s Oktoberfest: a big, bloated, confused mess dat hang around way too long after party end. Movie picks up 8 years after last one. Harvey Dent be dead and Gotham

Cookie Monster movie review: The Guyver (1991) Movie begin wit an opening scroll, just like Star Wars. Unlike Star Wars, however, opening scroll accompanied by voice-over because Guyver fans either illiterate or too damn lazy to read. As far as info dumps go, dis be as big a pic.x.com/S10Of13UHx

Cookie Monster movie review: Man of Steel (2013) Watching dis movie be like taking in spectakular fireworks show. In sepia. While your girlfriend breaks up wit you over de phone. For two and a half hours. Movie open on alien world Kripton where scientist Kal-El inform ruling

Cookie Monster movie review: Iron Man 3 (2013) Dis would have been a great movie if it had been half an hour shorter. And made a lick of sense. Monster can imagine script notes session went someting like dis: Producer: Dis skript full of plot holes and not make much sense.

Cookie Monster movie review: The Shadow (1994) Who knows what evil lurk in de hearts of men? De Shadow knows! How he know? Search monster. Me having hard enough time trying to make sense of dis movie. It full of weird magic, mind control and mind reading, esoterik concepts

Cookie Monster movie review: The Phantom (1996) Or, like me like to call it: Purple Unitardo and The Temple of Doom! Stop Monster if you heard dis one before. A boy’s parents are murdered. He train hard and become a superhero to fight evil. He very wealthy. Have trusty