New Homer Simpson ring tone!

Portugal is def beating F*cking Spain!!!

Wow just saw a girl that turned over her car!! WTF??

You should try Kron's chocolates they are amazing!!!

Peole that say they are going to follow u if you follow someone else that's pure bullshit!!

Patient: "The problem is that obesity runs in my family." Doctor: "No, the problem is that nobody runs in your family"

I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll be doing it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

When I die, I'm going to have "free WiFi" written on my tombstone, that way more people will visit.

When trying to look for percentages (ex 40% of 300) drop the 1s digit of the number and multiply by the 10s digit of the % (4 x 30=120)