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Not wanting a woman with a high body count just means you’re bad at sex. Anyone who is good at sex will want to showcase their art to a true connoisseur of the genre.

I would simply orbit western Japan around eastern Japan at relativistic speeds to slow their clocks down by 16.7%

In the weight room at the No. 10 bathhouse. You’ll see his physique change too. Less buccal fat. More delts and traps. In the summer we’ll see mesh T-shirts, etc. How? He was dominated. Unexpectedly. It’s not even a “gay” thing. It’s more refined, spiritual. Leadership

They should go all in and rename the team the White Cassox

Ok, I’ll do it. I’ll be the liberal Rogan. I’ve got the complete package: I’m short, balding, and extremely credulous.

I am going to assume tipped workers are making the top marginal tax rate of 39.6% and reduce my tips from 20% to 12.08%.

Drop the “on tips.” It’s cleaner.

I’m very excited for AI to develop to the point where we get a full-length feature film of Will Smith eating spaghetti.

every single knicks fan rn:

Girls think the “eu” in “eugenics” means EW. Don’t get the ick, girls! It literally *means* good. So if you’re not into eugenics, that means you must be into dysgenics. Dissing your own genes! OMG girl what

Inflation’s been so bad the past five years that today the cops won’t even bother to kill you if you try to pass a fake $20 bill

There’s a sick part of me that wants this guy to win just so that Chicago looks better in comparison.

Consequentialist ethics and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race (but that doesn’t mean it’s bad)

Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams in a vacuum (because there’s no oxygen for it to combust)

Fact check: you are not sailing.

libs rn:

We’re gonna have TACO trucks on every corner (the trucks will be watching you for tariff violations)