We’re celebrating 5 YEARS of Dylan Jackson this weekend!! We’re all going to meet in the park and have a bong. Then 2 foot each other and shank the ball out of play for a hour to commemorate the legend himself!!! #HappyDylanJacksonDay

SIGNING : WE are absolutely buzzing to announce the signing of Ethan Kenny!!! Kenny: ‘I’m absolutely buzzing to sign for a club that doesn’t wear a dog shit kit, can’t wait to get started and score some goals for best looking team in league’

NEW SIGNING : NUTTALL SIGNS!! Jack : ‘I’m really happy to play for a team that hasn’t won a trophy for years, I’m sick of winning trophies and to be honest I prefer it in oaks everyone at Rec reeks of shit, I can confidently dad doesn’t bum me also contrary to popular belief’

SIGNING!! Dainton joins us for his 493010 spell at the club, no doubt he’ll fuck off somewhere else at any minor inconvenience. Dainton: ‘I can’t wait to get started, I hear there is new bar staff in the oaks for me to try raw dog, looking forward to scaring them off’

Our centre half, part time tik toker full time panty dropper

Feeling extra horny so have a double signing. THEYRE BACK!! Atley Jackson and Jordan Kershaw return. No more words needed. But if I was to say a few words it would be to say fuck off Atley you greedy bastard

Ardsley Oaks 9-1 Gym bar Their name is ironic considering they wa all soft as fuck. Dominated them some beauty tackles Party in car park at oaks now time to sup some beers and be busy in trap 1 Kershaw 4 Fenton 1 Atley 2 Kenny 1 Jobbo 1