everyone is going batty for Sabrina Carpenter, the singing cartoon mouse who loves getting plowed

*nods* PaRappa The Rapper

“Your credit card must have a nickname” oh ok. Ummmm… Cardy?

It’s like the old saying- April Showers lead to May Showers lead to June Showers lead to never ending seasonal depression

i think in a few decades we will view what being online has done to certain peoples brains the way we view the effects of lead poisoning on society

Underrated funny aspect of this whole military parade is DC is also hosting the Warped Tour this weekend

In DC for the Warped Tour and playing a game of guessing who’s in town for that or the parade. It is not a difficult game

Ok.

Hangovers are wild because you can sometimes avoid one by watching your intake, drinking lots of water, and getting a good nights sleep, but if that doesn’t work just have three more beers the next day and you’re fine

Honestly hate when a band introduces props into the concert experience. I’m trying to watch this band and they’re passing around inflatable sharks and now I gotta be on guard like “where’s that fucking shark?”

Seeing punk bands is great. They’re like “we will play all 7 of our albums in their entirety. It will take 44 minutes.”

Exclusively Representing MBT Creator Fact: Thinks K'Nex > LEGO

Between song banter at emo concerts is always interesting. It’s like “this song is for everybody who’s ever felt alone. You are not alone. And you should never kill yourself. It’s called I Am So Alone and I’m Gonna Kill Myself About It.”

Paddleboarding is so relaxing. I love that it's crazy hard and if you move at all you get hurled into seaweed.

Joey Chestnut are you in the market for an agency

I don't believe in borders. There's no imaginary line that should separate us as people. The whole world is Ohio.

buddy and his wife are mad cuz they gave their baby a stupid name and i’ve been workshopping cool star wars names for him instead. “Graff Chorlo on comms” i say as their 6 week old infant sobs. stop rolling your eyes at me. im doing you a favor

What is this guy a fuckin pole salesman

Exclusively Representing Stephen Croke Creator Fact: He doesn't use this platform anymore so he can't repost this 😢