Command authentication code: Victor, Uniform, Lima, Charlie, Alpha, November. Vulcan.

Better get your lyre, Nero. Rome. Is. Burning.

Mayday, mayday, mayday, all ships at sea. This is Doug Eiffel on board the... U.S.S. Horrible Unending Nightmare. I am in need of immediate emergency assistance. Please respond

This is Doug Eiffel, transmitting from the U.S.S. Horrible Unending Nightmare, signing off

Mmm, yeah, hell of a thing, that. Of course, what’s the use of having an advanced Artificial Intelligence Unit at your service if you don’t listen to it?

Leave me alone, Doc. I got enough ghosts”, “Yeah, have a donut! Can't build stuff without donuts

Because! It's a deleted scene. They took it out for a reason. You put it back in, and you're watching a completely different movie

Did I say obstinate? I meant... umm…

Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Let's eat!

It’s my birthday. I’m 32 today

Just another happy, sunny day out here. Seven and a half light years away from Earth

Umm... yes, this is Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski. I'm... uh... well I sure love schedules, and, uh, musicals. And that man, who I married, who, now that I think about it... I should have been given crap about when I was launching my comms officer into-

Hey baby, did you miss me?

This is about honor, Hera. Honor and basic human rights

Don't let anybody tell you that you can't do something. Ever. You're going to go so, so far. I know it. I wish I could be there to see it. I just... I love you, Anne. Always and forever

And that's when things got crazy. Minkowski decked Jacobi

Hey, it's all right. Don't apologize for hugging. I'm glad to see you too, Commander

This is the audio log of Communications Officer Doug Eiffel

Oh, uh... Colonel Kepler kinda... moved a whole bunch of stuff. Like that shift you just did, it kinda got moved to... uh, now. That's- whoa! I mean, uh, I... I never liked that cup anyway

Hello Hephaestus! Sorry to interrupt tonight's transmission of The Celebrity Apprentice: WorldDestroying Edition - but we've got an emergency broadcast for you. In the immortal words of Slim Shady: guess who's back!