I cant imagine an opposition taking the piss like this in my day. Somebody would get hurt in the bar!

Sitting in a bar in Cape verde and a guy comes round trying to sell porn dvds. It's a bit retro here at times.

Shoplifter comes into the pub selling stuff then goes to the toilet. A regular steals stuff out of the shoplifters bag. Shoplifter doesn't notice and leaves pub. Regular gives away everything for nothing. #karma

On one hand I'd miss the derbies but on the other hand PEACE. On and BTW, people need to stop trying to claim FTD as in Donald, it's FTD as in the Dees. Cmon County.

Pressure washing slabs has always been good fun but then using sodium hypochlorite to get rid of the black spots is the cherry on the cake. #RetiredLife

For info for my ex-students. Sad to hear the passing of my former Abertay colleague Les Ball. A lovely man. dct.myfamilyannouncements.co.uk/dundee/view/49…

My facebook posts were full of racists posts at the same time as he posted this. It was a white 53 year old. H e will deny racism.

This sounds like career suicide to me.

Cracking headline though.

The half time entertainment will be good. A bit of singing, some mouthie and some swearing.

Leicester County ground. England v West indies women.

200+ people die. One survives and god gets the credit.

I'm having an "art attack" kind of day. Now I need to find something to make from a mountain of cables and about 20 hard drives.

It looks like summer in Scotland is tomorrow.

He's a cruel man.

A dug #cockapoo

This is the man Making America Healthy Again.

Meltdown incoming.

I hope Prince William doesn't kiss any of the Lionesses.

One thing I have noticed about my career is that politicians love tellling you how to suck eggs. We now have a guy with a degree in fucking Geography telling us all about online security. Name a respected UK expert who agrees with you?