I don’t care what comes out of your mouth if it’s surrounded by a goatee

We’re into 2025 and I’m still stuck in this legal situation. Hopefully it will be over soon and I can speak out on the things I’ve been wanting to. For now all I’ll say is treat people with kindness and respect, treat your self with the same, and tell your people you love them 💜

I’m convinced that Ryan Seacrest was never born and he’s just been here this whole time

We all know the CIA and FBI have been actively destroying the lives of Americans for decades. So I think we should stop calling 9/11 an act of terrorism and call it what it really is… an outsourcing of government jobs ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You missed the point so far that I couldn’t find you on a map with a microscope

Potato salad is like potatoes but they’re a salad.

Olive Djgardent

So I’m walking a candle with both hands from one room to another slowly so it didn’t go out, and started chant-singing “in the name of the father, son, and holy spirit” in Latin cause I thought it was funny. I went upstairs after to check on Nat. She thought we were being haunted

Would you freak Jesus?

IG got it so y’all do too. That’s all for now.

Fuck it y’all can have one more

“I have become a menace to society” he said as he ate 20 jumbo cocktail shrimp from Costco out of the fridge at 1:15 AM

To all fans and friends of Cartographer

Fuck “touching grass” yall need to GRAZE

Gotta slop it down

I wanted to touch the World Series grass

Got a long overdue haircut yesterday. Instead of posting a picture I will describe it. I had a certain amount of hair. Now I have less hair. Happy Hairlloween 🎃

Some dude who eats beans on toast for breakfast: She combs her hair. She’s like a raaaaaaiiiiiiinbaaaawww White people everywhere: 👏👏👏

You may grow your own tomatoes but you’re no Sauce Gardner

Proteinmaxxing by shoving an entire Atlantic Lobster up my ass