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I am taking my own life…. Into my own hands!!! Hahaha. Just a little joke there

Here's your reminder it's okay to do work without much passion. I've published multiple bestseller cookbooks without having any interest in human food whatsoever. Just 2k words day in, day out until the grave.

incredible Brooklyn interaction last night. Friend asks waiter what his tattoos mean; they’re the letters BEC — SPK. He’s like, “if you’re from New York….you may understand their hidden meaning….” turns out it’s Bacon Egg Cheddar — Salt Pepper Ketchup. ONLY IN NEW YORKR BABBEEY

I’m not saying I need to be on insulin to enjoy works of art but it definitely makes the experience a bit more intense

Explain it to me like I'm 36 years old

this is so insane

“Game on”

Just punched my neighbor in the face in the middle of the night. Please pray for my family.

Is bombing a country toxic? Is the IDF my friend?

[my two sons speaking at my funeral in 2055] Waymos: dad always said we should be thankful to be born in The Cool Zone. Treatlerite [through a breathing apparatus] here are the top ten times dad was too woke

just an fyi that for some of us Father’s Day can be a difficult day. I hate my kids

[angrily to the 16 year-old Build-A-Bear employee who recognizes me from the nationwide store ban] it’s not clocking to you that I’m standing on business

The IDF just bombed Iran's state TV studio while it was live on air.

gettin beat so bad you turn into a 18th century Orientalist

Obama chuckled. "You mean the chaos emeralds?"

ㅤ

i’m crying

extremely fun to read but also a takedown that is mostly examples just Vuong’s awful writing, which is very funny

I’m 62 years old, I live in Tampa, I eat corn and beef everyday, I always have a titleist hat on, and Iran is the biggest threat to my freedom