What percent of Earth’s atmosphere is made up of JIZZ LMAO??? bit.ly/3Vfypfn

Pretty much

We need to talk about Broadway and accessibility. Last night I saw the spectacular Moulin Rouge! in NYC. As a longtime fan of the film, I enjoyed every moment. I wish I’d been able to pick the words out of all that glorious noise, but my caption device had next to no signal.

When I wrote for New Girl, we did an episode where it’s revealed that Nick loaned Coach an absurd amount of money. The amount we settled on was $71,000 because we felt anyone would be able to recognize it as excessive. Anyway, Harlan Crow has given Clarence Thomas millions.

Ain’t. Conversate. Irregardless. You all love to tell us what shouldn’t be a word. Please tell us what SHOULD be a word.

I always get asked "Which electric Truck is best?!" So I made this handy guide. Rivian: If you prefer pleasure over work. Lightning: If you prefer work over pleasure. Cyber Truck: If you do a lot of driving in your dreams. Hope this helps!

I have been watching a lot of Netflix comedy specials and, like, y'all weren't kidding when you said every one of these guys is, like, contractually obliged to do a "saying that you can't say the stuff you're currently saying" bit.

My annual hangout with Dustin Nickerson is in the books!

Best guess: Twitter tried to do something stupid with their API, they messed it up in a way that will take days, so Elon is doing this new “you can only read 600 posts a day” thing as a cover, and he’ll say “after hearing your feedback, we’ve reversed the policy” when it’s fixed.

Ohhh, I can block the Twitter Blue reply guys all at once...they're always right at the top. Hey! Hey...trans women are women! Climate change is caused by people! Healthcare is a human right! Birth control should be free and abortion should be legal!

That ratio 😂

Hey Elon Musk, let me interview you about what is actually going on with your company. No cagefight, no debate, no dumb stuff like that, just questions and answers. We'll do it on Spaces. Let's go?

Lol

Threads down for anyone else? Getting this message all over

What gives Ask PayPal???

Got a new coffee maker, so obviously my life is in turmoil rn

Anti-Virus: Hey, your computer is vulnerable to ransomware. Me: Cool, fix it. AV: Sure, just give me $25 bucks. Me: Wait a minute!

It's not X, it's not the platform formerly known as Twitter...it's Twitter. It's just Twitter. If some rich guy bought my whole town and renamed it, I wouldn't start calling it "The town formerly known as Missoula." It would still be Missoula, just like this is still Twitter.