At worst, a refugee has escaped persecution in a war torn country. At best, All these North Face gilet wearing neanderthals have managed to escape is the education system.

Jamie Redknapp: "Pau Torres has one of the most cultured left foots in football" "foots". "FOOTS".

Two left backs on the bench tells me we need to strengthen #arsenal

So #Arsenal have let Vieira, ESR, Nelson (all 24) and Nketiah (25) leave this window, and brought Merino (28) and Sterling (29) in. We've also seen Cozier-Duberry and Obi-Martin leave the youth set up. Am I missing something, or do we have less depth/potential in attack?

Weakest #Arsenal bench in years, with only three senior outfield players. Feels like we're a couple of injuries away from relying on unproven youth players. On the plus side, hopefully means we'll see more of Nwaneri.

80 minutes. Full strength Sp*rs, chasing the game, bring on Timo Werner. Threadbare Arsenal, defending a lead, bring on Gabriel Jesus and Raheem Sterling. Levels. #TOTARS #COYG

So the "yellow card for kicking the ball away" rule only applies if you're an Arsenal player, eh PGMO ? The inconsistency is unreal. #MCIARS

Jeremy Doku kicks the ball away stopping a quick restart without receiving a yellow card 😶

So Michael Oliver - previously on the payroll of the Saudi League - gives Trossard a second yellow for something that Doku did 30 mins prior without punishment? PGMO are ruining the Premier League

Hey, C A S I O™ - I keep getting ads from "VoguerVault" for this "Casio" watch, but it looks fake AF. Am I right?

Disappointed Nwaneri hasn't got to feature. The team is lacking intensity, and Merino/Stirling aren't the answer. We look toothless upfront. #AFC #ARSSHA

In solidarity with Vini Jr, I too request not to be nominated for the Balloon d'Or for the foreseeable future. (Joke's on Richarlison, as that's one less person who's more likely to win it than him.)

Hey, B&Q BandQ Supervisor - I'm losing my shit with your website. Tell me why, when I've selected to click and collect an item that is apparently in stock, I'm being told it's unavailable for home delivery on the next screen?! I'VE CLEARLY CHECKED "CLICK AND COLLECT"

Waiting for H from Steps to update his Facebook status "Marked safe from being shanked in HMP Wakey"

Hope that goal gives Eber some confidence - he's been terrible so far. #afc #coyg

Witnessed a road traffic accident on the M1 northbound, around J41, at 6:35pm. Dark coloured car (maybe a Kia?) that was sideswiped by an M&S truck that failed to stop (DG61 FBA). If the owner of the car needs a witness, let me know.

There are few things as certain in life as the London North Eastern Railway train late into Leeds so that I just miss my connection. Every fkn time.

Hey Co-op . How's it going? Firstly, no hard feelings over the data leak. These things happen. And getting rid of the points on the member card? A bit annoying, but I'll survive. HOWEVER. Depriving me of a third of my £5 fruit crumble - BANG OUT OF ORDER. RUINED CHRISTMAS.