nice

Christmas Feel Box Ideas damp sponge = Santa’s brains peeled grapes = Santa’s eyes dried apple slices = Santa’s ears tines of a plastic fork = Santa’s teeth dog feces = Santa’s feces

y’all are sleeping on hot people. seriously. put them in your films. try to date them. “like” their photos. see what happens. and thank me later.

anything might. be vigilant.

i love how they’re dying of lust over this fuck ass dance

Uno reverse, I gave a bat rabies

i spent ten years in chicago doing comedy & i made this video about it whole thing here: youtu.be/wp5xdraohik

classic Bean

the week i moved to LA my (unhinged) roommate pointed at griffith observatory and said ‘that’s eddie murphy’s house’ and i believed it for seven years

When you gonna stop having shrimps with the wimps & come have leek stew with my freak crew?

unbelievable ! i wrote a 3 minute sketch. youtu.be/tK2jnPB62h4

is someone cutting onions in here? (but I'm furious because I said 100x please nobody touch the onions, they're needed for Friday's stew)

Waking up to read the news every day is a challenge but well worth the trouble. Jingoistic violence, fascism on the rise, the cheapening of everything we once held dear -- these things are excellent "brainfood" for the aging mind and help stave off dementia, much like Wordle.

In college I used text replacement to replace “dad” with “Osama Bin Laden” in my mom’s phone. It was a huge breach of trust and she didn’t let me hold her phone for a long time after that.

DEI stood for Da Economy Intact

Lizard can be a girl. Beanie Babies taught me that.

Blue Cross had refused to pay thousands of claims for the center’s patients, but on several occasions execs at the insurance company had signed special one-time deals with the center to pay for their wives’ cancer treatment. propublica.org/article/blue-c…

i make films with a different technique each time. for the next one, backgrounds drawn with real markers and characters done digitally seem like the best combo so far