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when people are like "twitter is so unusable now" I'm so sorry but I can't relate.. my entire timeline is the funniest tweets I've ever read + dennis reynolds edits set to brat songs

if there’s one thing about octogenarians, they will consistently show up 15-20 mins EARLY to the function

very cool how linkedin sends you fake messages which are literally just ads. how is that even legal

and like how do i explain this to my grandchildren after they inherit my stuff

brisket relaxing after carrying the twisters press tour on his back 😌

"the intern running Kamala Harris' social media––" me: let me stop you right there...

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finally starting to understand the metric system

i could watch like three hours of this

Patio Hall Of Fame Album.

they really said you better not be down bad crying at the gym when i get there

had to write a calligramme (shaped poem) for french class and i got carried away making an english version cause i was getting mad that i didnt know the words i wanted to say

honk all you want, silly goose—I am under no legal obligation to turn right on red😊

"i moved out of the city and im so much happier" love that for you but i need see a 1970s arthouse film at 2:30pm on a wednesday in theater with 15 unemployed strangers or i will die

staying awake for SNL but making up for it with the extra hour of sleep from DST….that’s election math baby

Can you actually die from doomscrolling

Surely if I just internet a little harder, the election results will show up

former girl boss, current boss baby