Farting with a thong on is like shooting a gun with a silencer

You can tell a lot about a person from how old they were when they found out a lime wasnt just an underripe lemon

You’re not an animal whisperer, you’re just depressed and they can tell

Euphoria is this generation's Glee

The will smith slap is one of those moments where it’s an absolute tragedy we no longer get to see trump’s posts

the equivalent to girls who are immediately loved by small animals and babies are guys who are immediately trusted by schizophrenics and the homeless

I think the craziest part of all of this is Jada actually is going to star in GI Jane II

lot of you on twitter find a sick kind of glee in exposing others as “bad people” and it’s really not normal, i don’t believe you care very deeply about the issues you weaponise at all

The only way I'm gonna say God Bless America is if she sneezes!

Has it ever occurred to anyone that if we keep shaming Leonardo Dicaprio for dating hot women in their 20s then he might stop dating hot women in their 20s? Then nobody wins

RIP Queen Elizabeth. Everyone needs to start buying test strips for Fentanyl. This can’t keep happening man

The worst part about working in customer service is the customer. Followed closely by the service.

I think the nickel is the worst coin

What does paprika even taste like? None of you can tell me

Squirting is like the "I can't believe it's not butter" of pee

I cant lie, Elon Musk is doing exactly what i would have done if i had 44 billion dollars

Best part of thanksgiving is the “walk” with your cousins before dinner 🥰 the only day of the year i KNOW i’m getting laid