Alison Arkin (@cronikeys) 's Twitter Profile
Alison Arkin

@cronikeys

everything at once

ID: 32240593

linkhttps://youtu.be/eE9tV1WGTgE calendar_today17-04-2009 01:25:41

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The Dark Tower (2017) squandered King’s lore with poor structuring. It felt frenetic and slow simultaneously, and nothing built toward a satisfying end. It also disappointingly leaned into children’s fantasy genre. Actors gave it their all, and some bits were almost intriguing. D

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Shelby Oaks (2025) flimsily faffed after a fine found footage opening, and for a crowdfunded film, a YouTuber director’s debut, it was perplexingly passionless. The unearned tropes were all it had, leading to a disjointed, scare-free experience that never distinguished itself. D-

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The Great Escape (1963) captured plenty of salutably fun scenes, mostly due to a cool McQueen leading its all-star cast, but its rose-tinted tone felt inappropriate for a grim and true war story. Deliberate pacing also tested patience, especially by the third half’s hullabaloo. B

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Fire in the Sky (1993) never brought me on board for its uneven tabloid tale. I lost time during its languid spotlight on “true” “crime” drama; maybe I just spaced out. A few minutes of effective fun thankfully happened by its end, and the actors consistently gave it their all. C

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Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery (2025) wrought a wholly welcomed return of the whodunit, hollowed be thy game, a guilty pleasure. Johnson’s gracefully sanctimoni-ish vessel landed, miraculously fortified by fair clues and Craig’s devilish detecting, as a knockout punch. A+

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The Andromeda Strain (1971) thrillingly distilled the dense Crichton story down into cerebrally satisfying science lab spectacle. Experimentation seeped through every level of production, novelly cool for a niche crowd, especially the real equipment and early computer effects. B+

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Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 (2025) awkwardly served another extra-cheesy slice of franchise “horror,” loaded with lore that barely made sense in the source material, actors outshone by animatronics, and mechanistically tailored nostalgia for a post-modern person’s second screen. D+

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The Signal (2014) confidently stumbled through compounding implausibility, which, combined with thin characters, made it all a graciously forgettable slog. Its stylistically sophomoric mirage of cinematic competency frustratingly failed to sustain its depthless deluge of ideas. D

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Joker: Folie à Deux (2024) pitifully sang its way through a rather dour character decline, made up like old Hollywood musicals, rubbing off smiles earned by the first to showcase.. something, probably. Boldly reneging entertainment, it put Fleck fans and the audience on trial. C-

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Smile 2 (2024) did more than needed, showcasing stylish, crowd-pleasing pop horror with probably potent themes for teens. Its hallucination-based gimmick gave it an unreliable narrative structure, nearly wrecking immersion, but fresh and gory scares staved off most frustration. B

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Predator: Badlands (2025) weakly adhered to tonal expectations, continuing Trachtenberg’s branch of the franchise, prioritizing spectacle and effervescent world-building over survival thrills. Still, it had tons of creative fun after finding its legs, credulity notwithstanding. B

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M3GAN 2.0 (2025) compiled a crowd-pleasingly chaotic blockbuster comedy with sassy robo-pizazz. The franchise’s horror features were disabled for the upgrade, allowing enough twisty topical tropes to be stored on its short-circuiting script for winkingly WTF spectacle instead. B+

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Dust Bunny (2025) eccentrically stuffed itself with texturally curious Fuller-isms for his feature debut. While swept up in its sure-footed style, the overwhelming whimsy went down easy despite paper-thin characters and plot poignantly plucked from an anxious kid’s imagination. B

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Black Phone 2 (2025) rang hollow, tediously boring its way into an icy realm of forgotten horror sequels. It really reveled in style over substance, clashing with its posterized plot, daffy dialogue, and sleevey inspirations stripped of what made them work (eg, Freddy Kruger). C-

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Exit 8 (2025) adapted a viral “spot the anomalies” walking simulator game. Sadly, it squandered some of its liminal loop’s atmosphere, and indulgent editing tested patience at times, but the concept, mystery, and familiar weirdness somehow still held my attention until the end. C

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28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (2026), more spin-off than saga centerpiece, ran lean and mean. Intense performances and gore made it stand out, sure to satisfy genre fans, but some new lore strained credulity and its end teaser worryingly felt like a cathartic franchise coda. B-

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Without Warning (1994), like Welles’ War of the Worlds, was ahead of its time. Its simulation of breaking news perfectly evoked the rush of real life happenings, even if the tropes and time compression hurt immersion. The performances were effective, especially near its climax. B

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Pulgasari (1985), a North Korean kaiju, came to life under curious circumstances. Its endearing lore and epic scale shined through the dated score, effects, and editing in a way that could please genre fans, historians, and producer Kim Jong-Il, hopefully, for the crew’s sake. C-

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Sisu: Road to Revenge (2025) furthered the first film’s fun Finn follies, unleashing laughable, Looney Tunes action by land, air, and sea. Unfortunately, that cartoonistry chipped at the seriousness of its subject matter, limiting the level at which any spectacle could connect. B