“Some people say peppered beef jerky is the closest we can get to god”

swooping in to save america

years ago I was in an elevator with a woman and an incredibly suave black guy got on and immediately started flirting, he recommended a song to her. i listen to it regularly

Q4 ins: Fishermans’ sweaters High fiving strangers Pancetta Whisky (especially Japanese) Finishing the run with a sprint Wasabi peas Saxophones Irn Bru Rubik’s cubes Cold blast at the end of a shower Tic tacs Tea (big time comeback)

Fran’s mom is my hero

feeling depressed? try Booking Nine Flights. you certainly will not regret spending $3500 on Nine Flights.

just had a flashback hit me like a truck

breaking: Brits also do the “so good, so good, so good” in sweet caroline. disappointed.

breaking news: I am entirely out of touch with society

shoutout the Norwegian customs officer “I’ll put the stamp in the corner, you’re running out of space” and not taking up a whole page (looking at you BRAZIL)

why is it every time I decide to put money into the market (i.e. have saved enough to throw more into S&P) it has A No Good Very Bad Day

Helping my grandpa type the peacock login from a few thousand miles away. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done

I’m a semi professional squash player now btw

Personally I think Nvidia should just buy Europe

If you’re in standing room at a concert and you sit on the floor between the opener and the main act you should be relegated to the back of the crowd

I’ve been inspired

Contrary to what you may think, today is actually the only day you CAN’T listen to this song open.spotify.com/track/5aeQMQDW…

one of the worst atrocities in partying: playing Doses and Mimosas too early

my neighbor has had no less than three hundred roses delivered to her over the last 2 weeks. this is the 5th shipment and it is not the largest

I wanna open a restaurant that just sells fries in various styles. Classic. Steak. Shoestring. Waffle. You get it. Pick your tater type, pick your style, pick your sauce (we’ll have 5). Call it Tater Town. I’m going to be a billionaire