POV: you’re a beer and it’s 5 O’Clock

M-I-Z!!

If you take a dump in the ocean or a lake, do you need to wipe? Or is that just like a bidet?

Out of quarters for laundry - my oh my is it a bad time to be one of my pockets

I think royal family is just making this shit up to try and upstage Taylor Swift’s new album

Staying at my girls place for this weekend. You know what that means. Gonna smell like a bath and body works this weekend. Not complaining.

Beers have been flowing. Burner might be real active tonight

Me whenever I see a train

Me whenever I see boobs

Seeing my girl naked for the 1000th time

When someone whips out tequila at the pregame

Listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd makes me feel like I could run through a brick wall. Or drive a car through a brick wall. Fuck it where are my keys

The whole earth is really going with the Mexico filter today

Hey Siri: play “Ain’t no Sunshine”

Do you think every guy does a little dance when they find out their girl started their period? Or is that just me?

Two high speed trains in a week 🤤🤤

I think my Uber driver just heard his girlfriend getting railed and honestly I wanna give him a hug

SNL botching the episode after the election might be my 13th reason

I’ve never actually run into someone at the airport. Is that only in the movies?