Hey DK thx for sending this but shoudnt it be the hands that bobble ?

RE-Effing-TWEET!!!

Hey I will not be able to make it to anymore virtual baby/wedding showers. Sadly I lost my ability to pretend they aren’t insane. I hope you understand.

My period @ me

Every time I see Jon Hamm on tv I say “Jon Hamm” in my head... I have no idea why.

I think the reason I don’t like Taylor Swift has less to do with Taylor Swift/her music and EVERYTHING to do with her fans. They are legit nut jobs. She doesn’t need you to protect her! She’s a 31 year old extremely wealthy white women.

Twitter is great if you wanna see the same joke beaten to death with slightly different wording over and over and over again.

Has this pandemic made anyone else a terrible driver or just me?

Dear scientists, I know what you’re thinking and DONT 👏🏼 YOU 👏🏼 DARE 👏🏼

Who gave Harry Styles permission to be so attractive.

My toddler guessing letters while watching wheel of fortune gets me every time.

This reminds me of the time we went to an adoption event called “Kitties and Pitties” where we applied for a kitten we liked and they told us she could absolutely not go to a home with dogs as she is terrified to death of them.... now please re-read the name of the event.

When your husband is giving you “the eyes” but you’ve been taking care of two small children all day, made/put away dinner and had to handle both bedtimes.

I’m not saying adults are lazy but my 3 year old has worked shifts as a food truck driver, a zookeeper, a firefighter, a chef and a doctor all before 10am.

When someone uses your name unnecessarily in an email and you do it right back is favorite kind of pettiness.

Listen, if I were a billionaire I’d be trying to find a way to leave this planet as well.