me: *trying to conceal tears after learning my wife cheated on me* my 5 year old son in the back of my gmc grand sierra:

(morning after drinking 13 gin and tonics in one night) idk i feel weirdly bad

my friends hired an austin powers impersonator to show up at my birthday party here is my reaction to him walking in

always trust your gut feeling

this still one of the funniest tweets

Airdropping this to my neighbors dog

whatever it takes

just 2 dudes in 2003 not realizing they just made one of the best songs ever x.com/copiumx/status…

My friend over there thinks you’re cute The friend:

if you ain’t laughin, you ain’t livin

the rest is still unwritten pimp

just cut off a student driver. welcome to the real world bitch

when wisdom hits, the filter quits

Me and all my friends at the 10pm Ninga Turtle movie brother HH

My niece gotta scooter and I been on this bitch all morning lmao!