I fucked up while ordering my coffee and placed the order at the wrong location and now I feel like I should be punished and banned from ordering coffee forever

i didn't read a single page of a book for three whole days in a row. that's the longest I've gone without reading in a while, maybe over a year

things that make me irrationally angry: having to repeat myself the way my mom sneezes men burping when there is a kink in the hose people saying "chai tea"

you wouldn't download a cock

I told someone I'm allergic to eggs and they said "what about egg whites" ??? bitch that's part of the egg.

why anyone would willingly purchase a doodle is a mystery to me

the cheesecake facility

I got my very first speeding ticket today and I'm so MAD why is this shit so EXPENSIVE

I'm so glad I didn't end up with that dude with a small dick because now I have a girlfriend who can give me any size I want

today at work we had a puppy halloween party

5 years ago if you'd told me I'd someday be training a bull calf so he could be castrated ....

do y'all still fuck with me

(hasn't eaten all day) wow I wonder why I feel like shit

I love looking through people's crap. today my boss let me go through her jewelry and now she is getting rid of clothes. I can't wait to see The Pile

can we pretend that it's my birthday again so I can get more presents

who up doing gay shit