Everyone's in Vegas or Mexico or somewhere awesome on vacation and I'm just here like 😃🔫 fuck my basic life

Just breathe in, breathe out and let go of everything in life you can't control 🌞 #thoughtoftheday

Where's he gonna go? From me, to what? 😂👸

Picking out font for my new tat 😊 #goodmorning #tattime

Cut me open and I'll probably bleed Red Bull

Listen up "mom" FUCK this water dish. I'm drinking out of the toilet. #CatsBeingCats

*watches the tub faucet drip for 2 hours* #CatsBeingCats

When everyone's on site for the day so you do important adult tasks like researching Dagestan weddings #viewerdiscretionisadvised

When u drink some coffee before class so u have energy for class but then end up having too much valuable energy to waste it in class ☕️☕️☕️

It's all fun and games until u pick all the Lucky Charms out of the box and ur left with a cardboard box full of dry, flavourless wheat 🌾

When ur exhausted and decide u want to go drink #transientlifeform

when you felt so deeply that you become felt

Water cooler conversations: "I had a station wagon when I was in high school & girls LOVED it because they could bring all their friends"

"So you were their bus driver basically" "Yeah I guess I was their bus driver" #igotareallybigteam #badbitchesonly 🚌🚌🚌👯👯👯

🍋When life gives you lemons, make lemons. Life will be like "what!"

Office = sauna. 28 degrees. Central air off for repairs. This is how it ends. Thank u to all 370 of u for 4 yrs of supporting my bad tweets

Me: I shouldn't text my friends when they're in an exam, maybe their volumes on Inner Me: U want them 2 graduate before u? Send 9. In a row.

My phone was just at 100% at 8am and now it's at 14% and I've sent 2 texts but that's ok bc 400 ppl on earth find me somewhat tolerable

"I got a free coffee today. The lady at Starbucks said it was "to spread Christmas cheer" or something, whatever that is." 18 yr old @ work