Flight attendant: is their a doctor on board?! Me: yeah, I’m a neurosurgeon Flight attendant: oh good, I need your help, there’s a passenger that’s really sick Me: have they been cleared by cardiology?

Daily affirmation: I am smart, capable and have perfect tits

Hot take: Patrick Star isn’t actually stupid but dissociated often to the point it comes off as him being dumb #justiceforpatrick

Boomers are the way they are because they didn’t have access to vibrators #fact

this Lock Screen is objectively funny and I will die on that hill

my friend just told me that adding #fact to the end of a tweet doesn’t make your tweet a “fact” but she’s wrong. #fact

texts from my big sis #justgirlythings 🥰

there’s something beautiful about sitting in a group of ppl and knowing each one of us would have been lobotomized in the 1940s

my most controversial opinion: The Cat in the Hat (live action with Mike Myers) is the GREATEST cinematic masterpiece of all time

my therapist asked me if I’ve ever thought about doing stand up comedy and honestly I’m gonna be riding the high of that compliment for the rest of my life

Jenna Ortega reveals to Vogue that her favorite movie of all time is the 2003 adaptation of "The Cat in the Hat" directed by Bo Welch.