gonna be honest with u guys. i don’t understand how the gas nozzle knows when to stop

Look if you're going to drive into parade, may I recommend a Prius.

biggest problem in our educational system? one mile is four laps around the track. it should be one. 1 mile = 1 lap. makes sense to me. i wonder what our president is doing about this

99% of Zoom meetings could be replaced with an email.

Chilis is one the best things our country has done.

the fun part of pet ownership is that every now and then they'll start acting funny and the cure will either be that they need to take a dump or have a $3000 surgery and you just get to guess which one you're dealing with

Trump weighs in on IVF

You did NOT cancel student loan debt, Mr. Biden. You transferred the debt of people you want to vote for you… and now are forcing people who paid off their debt or who didn’t take out debt to foot the bill. All in an effort to bribe voters. It’s disgusting.

employer: what are your weaknesses me: crab rangoon

They shoulda just done hot ones and whoever lived can have it

If you're a young person, it might be hard to really understand this but the whole world used to smell like cigarettes.

Mark Cuban can go fuck himself Page 3 literally has $207m for Ukraine funding. Why is that tied to an AMERICAN BORDER BILL

The man shouting "mind your own damn business" literally set up a hotline so neighbors could rat each other out if they illegally stepped outside of their homes.

The US military but we use it to defend the United States of America

Kamala Harris just got hit with the biggest fact check in human history

We could have stopped this by using paper straws.

“Now say ‘nobody wants to buy EVs anyway’.”

There was a nationwide election 8 months ago.

The McRib is coming back