New fun game for an 8yr old. Watch One Direction videos on YouTube and relentlessly say “he’s dead” everytime Liam pops up. A touching tribute.

I’d still back a St Ives seagull to fuck his shit up

Love Christmas markets, that feeling of being generally in the way of other people is so Christmassy.

Tea goes with biscuits. It does not go with “jam and bread”. That fit failed nun tricked those singing Nazis with lies and manipulations.

Got to give it to grit, it really does fuck ices shit up 👏👏👏

My Kercher window condensation/shower droplet vacuum thing

Sex is good and all but have you ever made a complaint to the local council and they just sort it out? Just done. No mucking about, just done? 👏👏👏👏 Rotherham Council

Think an Israel Hamas hostage swap is hard? Try getting your kids in and out of the IKEA children’s crèche thing

There are injustices and inhumanity around the world each and every day. Presently, due to global politics and misinformation this is only getting worse. Highlighted by the meagre 6.6 rating of The Mighty Ducks on IMDb. A global embarrassment. Shameful.

“No, honestly, it tasted like a fart” my 9yr olds review of her school’s pizza is brutal.

So the Vaticans passion play got out of hand this year. If he insists on playing the lead role these accident can and will happen.

“Bone Appetit” on a dog bowl is elite level work. How dogs are able to eat while pissing themselves inside out with laughter I will never know.

Sydney Opera House only 19 yrs old here. Younger than the captains. Bit pathetic really.

Huge gossip to end the school year in Y4. Georgia’s sister uses snot as lip gloss. Going to be difficult to recover from, hopefully the 6 week break will aid her.

Excuse me george E Z R A aren’t you a bit old to be showing off your mum’s has finally let you sit in front seat of her car? Shouldn’t you be driving?

Dutch, is simply a better language.

My 7yr old singing along to Beyoncé - All the cigarette ladies (all the cigarette ladies) All the cigarette ladies (all the cigarette ladies) All the cigarette ladies (all the cigarette ladies) All the cigarette ladies (now put your hands up)

“YOU JUST KICKED ME!!!!” “NO!!!! I JUST PUT MY FOOT ON YOU” A weak defence from the 7yr old. But she’s holding firm.

If someone references Cool Runnings around me, I will instinctively do an impression that at best is race related and worst racist. I’m sorry. I just want to know if Sanka is dead.

Dog looks coked up #BGT #BritainsGotTalent