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#Rules for Successful Living: If what goes up must come down, you’re probably in an elevator.

#Rules for Successful Living: The bigger they are, the harder the wall.

#Rules for Successful Living: The difference between the right words and the almost-right words is the difference between “head butt” and “butthead.”

George Carlin: “An ‘initiative’ is an idea that isn’t going anywhere.”

#Rules for Successful Living: When you have FOMO, you may FAFO. But YOLO. So UBU.

#Rules for Successful Living: Don’t take a knife to a paintball fight.

#Rules for Successful Living: An “escalator” sounds like a device for making things worse.

#Rules for Successful Living: Be wary of those who squirm.

#Rules for Successful Living: If you want a steak done well, grill it yourself.

#Rules for Successful Living: Everybody is guilty in Food Court.

#Rules for Successful Living: In for a penny, in for a pounding.

#Rules for Successful Living: The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is the difference between “fated” and “fetid.”

#Rules for Successful Living: Everything is better on toast.

#Rules for Successful Living: If a frog had wings, it would be an airplane.

#Rules for Successful Living: It is possible to shut a car door without loudly slamming it.

#Rules for Successful Living: You can nurse a grudge, but that won’t cure it.

#Rules for Successful Living: The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is the difference between “Fitbit” and “fat butt.”

#Rules for Successful Living: Hamburger doesn’t need any help.

#Rules for Successful Living: The subtext of every garage sale is “Please get this stuff out of my house.”

TACO Tuesday will never be the same.