I grew up in a household that preached this. My imagination was 1000x worse than an AI. I knelt and prayed until my knees bled because I thought there was something wrong with me. I know better now. Get help, Malcolm. You're sick.

People screaming at me in a bowling alley

Oh god...what's he doing my gen Z brain cannot handle these dot things make it stop Actually, my real question is, what the fuck is that weird off-white background and crazy font? Did David use his Jitterbug to screengrab a newsletter from his fax machine?

I mean…my skank brain WENT there but I was classy enough to spray a few Dorito crumbs on my phone and scroll past, honestly you gibbons

I just realized I was in "Following" instead of "For you" and it's been a confusing three days

People would just sigh and be disappointed

The ideal wife apparently has an uneducated husband that can't spell "tattooes" who's also a cuck that never, ever fucks her and remains a virgin, yet she's somehow sexually available...to everyone else? Especially that Jesus 🇲🇽 guy. KINKY!

This is why I don't hang out with mountain climbers. They say shit like this all the time. "To get to the peak you have to be AT your peak!" Oh and also I'm a very negative and sarcastic person and I bring the group down. They don't like me and I respect that

I dream that one day when I'm ready to sell the couch I found next to a dumpster in Los Feliz that Joyce Carol Oates will be moved to comment poetically on its (lack of) beauty and worth

What in the nine circles of hells is this coming across my feed? There are zero tweets in this universe that are interesting enough to make me want to pay the Space Queen $8 to unlock, and I'm especially not starting with bad fucking poetry about rain

Women: *are capitalists* whiny-ass bitches like Corey: nO NoT LiKe tHaT

I'm gonna find someone who owns a printer and print this because yeah

This idiot just straight-up trying to kill women

Get in, losers, we're going for recreational abortions

"Ma'am, you can't bring food in here" "This is my therapy taco"

Angelinos forgets how to drive. Especially me.

You misspelled weed

*twitch* I have the physical and mental scars and therapy (both past and future) to prove it

Emory you NEED to stop using "twt" because now that you're my nemesis the first thing I do when the edibles kick in is check your account and then I snort spindrift through my nose and it fucking hurts you doink

Yes, especially when I made them out of molehills and now everyone is pissed