The sub visiting the Titanic was called Titan so the sub visiting the Titan will be called Tit.

AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS: Bouncing babies is good, but shaking might cause them to die.

My son’s favorite things are boobs and people who know people with boobs.

BABY: I’m cold, I’m hungry, I need a new diaper. ME: Here’s a song with xylophones.

There’s nothing more satisfying than hitting babies until they start burping.

Whenever I ask a question and someone says “good question”, I forget to listen to the answer.

Use a Shusher on a baby’s mom and suddenly you’re a fucking monster.

Running out of things to say to my son so might have to start doing material.

The only regret I’ll have on my death bed is that I didn’t get better death sheets.

Whenever someone starts an email with “respectfully”, they always follow it with the least respectful shit you’ve ever seen.

Remember when George Floyd was brutally murdered and everyone was like “yeah but he forged a $20”?

I don’t care if you hate Israel’s current government or their treatment of Gaza and the West Bank. Condemn the attacks. No justification for terrorism is acceptable. Ever. Now back to being funny (hopefully).

I don’t think Hamas is the reliable news source we thought they were.

"Columbia Untisemity": Israel's No. 1 Satire program mocks the support for Hamas on college campuses Muli Segev ארץ נהדרת

Wearing this while I still can.

The best part of being a stay-at-home dad is I get to sleep with my boss.

George Foreman’s greatest accomplishment was naming all of his sons George.

I’m an observant Jew - I’m Jewish and I observe things.

People think politics is all about laws but it’s really about how long you can avoid going to the bathroom.

Are general meetings like therapy where you just talk about yourself or should you talk about them too?