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Every time I see this tweet I think they mean sliced into a thousand pieces and lined up in a casserole dish in a colourful pattern and I think "me too" until I get to the part about the rat

It only took my landlord a month to call someone to come look at our fence that blew down in a storm. I’m so lucky

Does everyone’s skin burn after they touch grass or am I allergic to it

For a moment I felt bad about drinking next to a kid but then I realised two parents decided to bring their child into a members bar on a Friday night

Want some cake?

The way you like my photo tweets and not my thoughts makes me think you’re only on it for the nudes

Happy Easter 🐰

Are you into chubby bunnies? Because I’ve got some soft, squishy pictures and videos for you to come and see 👿 you know where to find them

I know this pretty rave girl, always think about her… New photos up everywhere

What the fuck is happening the the US that this is even still a concern? Wash your hands, get vaccinated, If you’re sick stay home, don’t lick pay phones.

I knew the lyrics were soy un prededor with nothing more than my raw ass ear holes so fucking try to mumble some bullshit near me, I dare you

“Van life beach folk punk” sounds like some valley homelessness shit and I think that’s pretty rude of Spotify to say since I paid them so much of my porn income to judge me

It’s smart of Dyson to put that wall on the opposite side of the hand dryer because I would use it on my face for fun

Getting in an uber pool and no one else is there is so fun. Like are we picking someone up along the way? Will they remember my address and come back when I’m asleep? Is it my old hot PE teacher? Am I making a new befriend? Are you the murderer? Such Agatha crisis vibes

VID SOLD! Anal + dildos 🔥 Check it out! manyvids.com/Video/2439294/… #MVSales @manyvids

Collecting bottles for recycling gives you such a sense of moral superiority until you have look at two bins full of beer bottles you knocked back in five days

Footy players have a confidence I could never have because they see those photos with their faces looking that way and still leave their houses