I’ve lived* many lives, but this one’s my favorite. *and loved

My friend B D Ek needs help and I’m begging you to take the time to read and contact him if you can help in any way. RT appreciated as well. Thank you. 🧡

When you think about it, Kid Rock kind of literally is kid rock.

*calls up pizza place* WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING

> Unsubscribe from LinkedIn > Delete email account > Sell house, live in woods > Find bottle in river > Has note inside > It's from LinkedIn

When I see JUST MARRIED I like to think it means 'only married' like there are higher types of commitment but they just settled for marriage

Imagine how long it would take to undress Steven Tyler.

Hot date* tonight at Moe's Southwest Grill *the queso, that is

Ed Sheeran looks more like a Ted Sheeran

@Karissajem The irony there is that G&Ts actually may/may not have played a key role in my falling. I could go for one though

Tweet less, live more

This is the last time I take a day off midweek. I essentially did this all day:

Who wore it better?

Haven't checked twitter in nearly two years. I've missed nothing.

I miss the days when you were unreachable BECAUSE you were on the internet

In earlier years a good cry came when receiving bills in the mail. Now those tears come from letters of encouragement. Thank you so so much

Cut an avocado in your hand so I know you're a millennial

Man I love those two-pack Nature Valley granola bars because I like to eat 2/3 of one bar while I wear the other 1 1/3

Every day is Middle Child Day when you're a middle child

Every day is leg day if you're a cricket.