🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

A farmer and a magician were feuding over who owned a well. The magistrate ruled for the farmer, so the wizard spitefully animated the stones of the well to deny the farmer its use. After all, a living well is the best revenge.

Someone keeps stealing my neighbor's mail. He says it's opossums. I said, "You think they can climb up, unlatch your mailbox and run off with the letters?" He said, "It's a possum ability."

My roommate says he can make a perpetual motion machine out of a bush, a beehive and eleven yards of string. It sounds to me like it's going to require a lot of suspension of this bee leaf.

I just bought a crematorium. It has good urning potential.

I crossed a cow with a cloud. I was hoping to get something nimbull, but mist steaks were made.

I've heard good things about taking ivermectin. I got it straight from the horse's mouth!

An arsonist torched the local sugar processing plant. The police are saying it's a crime brûlée.

MOVIE PITCH: Lloyd and Harry reunite for a road trip to Milwaukee, where they are tragically eaten in... DUMB AND DAHMER

Ents never have mushrooms on them. They're non-fungible Tolkeins.

Jacques Cousteau liked to have a lot of personal space. That's why he was a sea quester.

Why say "condom" when you could say "shtupperwear"?

Deja vudu: the uncanny feeling that someone else has seen this before.

Given the opportunity, René Magritte would have voted Republican. He was a trompe-l'œilist.

Cashiers enjoy a good joke when you can get it to register.

I saw a man standing guard outside the ol' factory. I think he's a scentry.

Jesus had to take the day off of work to throw the moneylenders out of the temple. It was quite an altarcation.

When I buy kale at the grocery store, it costs me about $3 a pound. When Pizza Hut buys it in bulk to decorate their salad bars, it costs a tenth of that. And that's the economy of kale.

Bigfoot was cute when he was a baby, but then he gruesome.

I've opened a new art gallery. You may have the impression you've seen it before. That's Degas view.

Scott Lang is Erik Destler in "The Ant-man of the Opera."