Joins bad luck contest, SECOND PLACE. #badluckbrian

Goes to Grandma's house, WALKS OUT HUNGRY. #badluckbrian

Cuts hair, IT DOESN'T GROW BACK. #badluckbrian

First day of summer vacation, BREAKS LEG. #badluckbrian

Plays video game, DIES ON TUTORIAL. #badluckbrian

Becomes a priest, GETS MOLESTED BY THE CHILDREN. #badluckbrian

Dad yells break a leg, BREAKS LEG. #badluckbrian

"Come at me bro," BROTHER EJACULATES ON HIM. #badluckbrian

Goes to strip club, SEES MOM. #badluckbrian

Has a wet dream, DROWNS. #badluckbrian

Flips pillow over, WARM. #badluckbrian

Pokes hole in friends' condoms, MOM GETS PREGNANT. #badluckbrian

Gets a handjob, EDWARD SCISSORHANDS. #badluckbrian

Buys bag of weed, OREGANO. #badluckbrian

Finally gets picked first for a game, HUNGER GAMES. #badluckbrian

Takes shortcut home, RAPED. #badluckbrian

Dresses sharp, GETS CUTS ALL OVER HIS BODY. #badluckbrian

Wins an all expenses paid vacation, JURASSIC PARK. #badluckbrian

Blows rape whistle, ALERTS MORE RAPISTS OF HIS LOCATION. #badluckbrian

Has super power, ABSORBS ALL BAD LUCK. #badluckbrian