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I’m so conflicted because I just can’t lose my ed :( Ugh I wanna change so bad but I just genuinely don’t think recovery is possible I haven’t had a normal relationship with food for years going in both directions of undereating and overeating how am I supposed to be normal

I know I’ll never feel valid enough but I feel like I just at least need to reach the underweight category in order to feel somewhat ok in looking at recovery

Or I always say once I reach my ugw I’ll recover but at the same time I know damn well once I reach it I’ll just wanna go lower

I’m doing everything they said I should when I have a rough morning, I got a hot drink, I sat in nature, I did some breathing, I’m listening to happy music, I’m writing down my feelings. I feel the same bro like I genuinely don’t even feel slightly better lmao fuck that

Okayyyy I’m such an idiot Bro it’s 3 days into April where I told myself I wouldn’t b/p and I already have 💀💀 I actually gotta stop the purging it’s taking such a toll 😭 but I can’t just binge either sooo

just got kicked out of CAFS because “most people they see have depression that is just there but I have patterns of really high and really low” and I’m not constantly depressed Apparently I’m too much for them cause I’ve been in the service for 5 years and nothings changed 🤩🤩

Imagine a mental health service kicking you out because your mental health is too much But oh wait they didn’t give you any more services or resources FUCK MY LIFEEEE

I’m wondering about seriously considering recovery but UGHHH I’m so torn Not just for my ed but my sh too

I genuinely can’t decide Like I think we all know it’s not good for us but I love my destructive behaviors lmaooo

Damn right I will 😭😭