My baby is doing callbacks at an Advanced 2 level

Oh, come let us adore him. Oh, come on. Dude. Come on. Let us adore him. Oh, what? So you're NOT going to let us come adore your newborn infant son? WOW. Unbelievable, dude. No. Whatever. I don't even want to adore him anymore. Enjoy adoring him yourself. Ass.

Y Hey, your kiss just made my list, buddy

Wingarettes Can't decide if it's cigarette-flavored wings or wing-flavored cigarettes Either way, I'm gonna buy an island with this idea

Big thanks to MVictors for hosting my sappy article about the sappiest football season of my life, my first as a dad. On Football, and Fatherhood: mvictors.com/on-football-an…

The comment section for Drops Of Jupiter by Train is bleak

Muppet Babies: All Grown Up

Aug. 24, 2001 — Bubble Boy, starring Jake Gyllenhaal Sept. 11, 2001 Oct. 26, 2001 — Donnie Darko, starring Jake Gyllenhaal

You gotta get down here. You're not gonna believe it. This place has, like, 100 bottles up on the wall. We're taking 'em down one by one, and all the fellas are taking little tiny sips out of every single one of them

My financial plan is to find a duffel bag of money at the bus station

A Cars prequel that tells the story of how the cars defeated man to become the dominant sentient beings of Earth

this is the type of stuff bergs shucks husks to

Todd Magazine, cereal expert

A rock is nature's Happy Meal toy

*purposefully vague* "A certain SOMEONE has used the potty four days in a row"

when the toddler won't leave you alone in the bathroom

There's a stop light on Gratiot in Roseville from which you can see two GameStops

*seconds before we all fall down* "Alright guys, who filled my pocket with all these dang posies?"

I am a passionate food science engineer I will not sleep I will not rest I will not speak to my friends or family until I finally get the Stimpy-flavored Pringle right

Noseferatoot