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So easy to universalize personal experience into cultural critique .. just caught myself thinking “interesting how pumpkin carving is falling out of style” and then remembered im 23 and live alone in an apartment

Good views are not the same as good people

Kid just came up to the truck and asked if I had any pickle sandwiches. No Befuddled, I replied “No…what?” He goes “oh okay, I thought this was a taco truck” Your guess is as good as mine.

Monroeville Convention Center going absolutely buck wild this weekend

It’s kinda funny that the closest thing I have to a cage is an ice cream truck.

The only way any of this makes sense if you accept the premise that democratic strategists don’t care about winning elections at all and only want to make sure the money spigot keeps flowing.

I don’t know what a labubu is and I’m never gunna learn because the tweets are very fun to read without any context.

I’m boy.

Nathan Fielder is a fucking maniac.

Watching shows

I found a backpack sitting on the street so I opened it to see if there was anything I could use to find who it belonged to and return it but it was full of dirty diapers so I posted a pic and said “you’ll never guess what’s in this backpack I just found”

This is the longest I’ve gone without doing standup in almost a decade. Weird.

Nobody was talking about The 21st Century in 1925. These people, above all else, are astonishingly stupid.

insane that this is just what this website is now

Sometimes I worry that maintaining a dad bod physique despite not having any kids is stolen valor. Anyway, happy Memorial Day.

I went to the wall that heals and everyone was plastered.

Does this shirt say “offer the ice cream man something from the grill or else! Haha no jk jk but forreal tho please”

Just waved hello to a tree stump because I thought it was a dog, who want me?