Doug: "Tomorrow is silly hat day at school." Me: *looks at collection of costumes and props from competitive karaoke* Doug: "We've been preparing for this day our whole lives."

I got it! ExtortionNet! #NetNeutrality

The post-Thanksgiving-break email gods have been kind to me this morning. #markallasread

It's absurd how excited I am for Fairfax County Government 🇺🇸 's new express bus to downtown DC. If it works out, I'll save $2400 in commuting costs a year.

Why does Metro Forward have strict restrictions on ads when they're constantly in need of funding? This is silly. nbcwashington.com/news/local/DC-… via NBC4 Washington

Super fast commute on Fairfax Connector new route 699 into DC. Even arrived close to 10 minutes early.

I'll triangulate anything once! Bob's Burgers

Don't be fooled. It's def two pants weather.

Husband: "They should redo Feliz Navidad as Police Navidad and make it about a police Christmas." He'll be livid I'm giving these ideas away.

Just got my new 2017 planner . . .😑

Does Fred Armisen sleep? Like how is he in every show?

In light of the false alarm in HI, my husband and I have come with the plan of heading to the nearest Costco and riding out the emergency until given the all clear.

Anchorage Police Dept.: “There is no tsunami warning for Anchorage and vicinity” nixle.us/9TYFP

Reminder: if you weren’t able grab tickets during today’s soft sale, general on sale is Friday at 10am! #RBloomLincoln x.com/thelincolndc/s…

I've got my ticket-buying finger in tip-top shape to snipe some #CrazyExGirlfriendLive tickets this morning. Fingers crossed (but not literally cause then I wouldn't be able to buy tickets) for no more hiccups Ticketfly @FlySupport

No luck with #CrazyExGirlfriendLive tickets. *sad trombone*😢

Dear Swype, I'm never ever going to use the words "thangs" and "van toy"... Please stop making me sound stupid. Thangs.

Peeve would be a really good pet name

I'm friends with smart people worldpoliticsreview.com/trend-lines/24…

How did the IT department catch free labor? Intern net