-deeply exasperated sigh- i want taco bell

I’m eating brie in bed because I have no control or shame

How can I marry into the Sargento cheese family

I would like winter to be over so I can stop feeling so aggressively sad

I woke up from a dream that I no call no show'd at work and I still feel like Im going to get fired but the plot twist is I don't have a job

My favorite thing about living in London is that so far I haven't seen/been hit in the head with an oversized golf umbrella.

When really tall people have rolly suitcases that are too short for them and they have to do this weird slump walk thing.

the other day I asked this girl from school if she's read game of thrones/asoiaf and she goes "no but I read moby dick in fifth grade, so..”

It's a miracle I'm not morbidly obese

contestant on chopped "i didn't come here to get chopped in the first round" -gets chopped in the first round-

I just saw someone post a picture of their new baby on fb and caption it with CREED LYRICS

When your brain translates "act naturally" to "walk like you're made of wood" as you stroll through Nothing to Declare

Every once and awhile I get a real hankering to go to church, not to get my dose of the lord but just to like sing songs and stuff

Church sucks but good LORD do I love a good hymnal

social anxiety makes me do weird things like holding an apple core for 45min in a meeting bc Im too anxious to go to the bin thats 10ft away

My mom's favorite advice is "You can do anything for ______ (amount of time)"

"in terms of like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin"

@_CamYouNot come to London

@_CamYouNot free lodging!!

I was just wondering if anyone else knew they made a Drumline 2