What happens when one joins Twitter? La la Luddite.

Leave country. Forget adapter. Buy new one: repeat ad infinitum. Now (remotely) own more adapters than bras(!) #significant? #whogivesashit?

"Scholars argue over text suggesting Jesus had wife" shouldn't they be referring to his TEXTING? Translated text: 'C u l8r. Off 2 c me wife'

@beccafrere indeed Judas' emoticon-less texts do provide clear early evidence of his snitchy nature. Paul's 'sexy texts' to Peter however...

@beccafrere my purpose in life is to be asked "what's going on here?" whenever there is something going on somewhere #neverhaveaclue

@beccafrere the last time, I began "Well..." then realised I was about to talk out of my actual bum, so I stopped, and said I didn't know.

@johnjofitz guys, he said answers ON A POSTCARD. How will you ever pass this exam of life if you don't read the question?! Wldlk2cusoonJFtzx

@johnjofitz no, no. Boobs NOT like mountains: singer grateful (evidently mistakenly) that they would not be confused in this way. NxtwkMon?x

@johnjofitz "lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you DON'T confuse them, with mountains" [capitalisation author's own] drkinsoho?

@beccafrere Klu Klux Flan #depressingpolicakes or #depressingpolitimeals Bloody Sunday Roast, Pol Potted Crab

Doping prisoners - oxymoronic - Good 'aul Will Self - Telegraph telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/la…

So it's official. The government's workfare scheme was the worst idea since the BBC tried to sell 'Our Friends In The North' to South Korea.