A ‘riot’ isn’t actually a riot unless it happens in the French village of Riot - if it happens anywhere else it’s technically a sparkling whine

Normalise having a breaktime at work where everyone in the office goes outside at 11 o’clock and plays football for 20 minutes

Sorry I didn’t reply. I was avoiding replying to someone else and it gave me a pathological fear of opening the app for about three days

If dentists want less people to be scared of them. They should stop calling your surgery a dental “practice”. You’ve been doing it for 30 years Gary back yourself

Dad at a Primary school parents evening

Testosterone but pronounced like minestrone

deleting my dating apps bc I wanna meet someone the old fashioned way (becoming a nanny and illicitly teaching their 7 children to sing then fleeing the Nazis)

Don't kill spiders with deodorant, it doesn't work. I just sprayed one with Lynx and all it's done is attract hundreds and hundreds of much more attractive female spiders

Yay! Our SE1 Comedy WIP-round shows kick off on Tues 26 Nov with Amelia Hamilton Ollie Horn Caroline McEvoy @SarahRoberts_69 and then Tues 3 Dec with Davina Bentley milo edwards Bella Hull Alex Kitson - tix via DesignMyNight link in bio!

I am now also on the other app. Hopefully all the posts I’m planning about how cool Elon is will work on that platform too

(CBT enjoyer waking up with a hangover) So pleased to announce I’m 12 hours sober 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

Just about to move to Bluesky and you start getting likes on Twitter again