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I believe him

me ready to smack my man’s ass knowing damn well he isn't gonna like it

Girls with long hair… speaking as a longed haired bitch myself do you feel my pain when I said I would cut this bitch and laugh every second while doing it cause she’s a pain in the ass to care for BUT we love her and we know we can’t live without her so we don’t cut her.

Day 21 WITHOUT NICOTINE: well made it past the 2nd big hump and stopped asking my husband for a divorce so I’d say everything is peachy 😁

I see Hulu finally got a QR scan code as one of their sign in options. WELL IT WAS ABOUT FUCKING TIME😒😒 Do you have any idea how irritating typing in “hulu.com/activate” for a DECADE was???

My husbands beige flag is that he talks back 😖😖 Pretty sure it’s cause he had 6 whole ass years to himself before his little sister was born Anyway, he’s over here talking back to my anger issues middle child syndrome having ass and yet wonders why I throw things 💁🏻‍♀️

Can confirm that it takes anywhere between 30-45 minutes at any given McDonald’s located in Florida to receive your food. Might as well just go to Chilis on your lunch

It’s really not that hard to understand I set the rules, my husband SHOULD follow them blindly I get to say whatever I want with no consequences, if he does and it happens to hurts my feelings then I will slice his pinky toe off Like idk what’s so hard to understand 💁🏻‍♀️

If you’ve ever asked yourself “where TF do they get the audacity?”” Well I’m 100% certain that the audacity lies within the parameters of Floribama shore. There you will find 0 fucks, lack of self awareness, and bad driving all summed up into one location 😬👌🏻

I wanna give a round of applause to my step dad 👏🏻👏🏻 A KING 👏🏻👏🏻 4 women, 1 man, only 2 bathrooms and we never had an issue ❤️❤️❤️ Married for 1 yr and bathroom time is the root to ALL of our problems 👌🏻 Side note: it ain’t me taking 10 years and a day to shit

Mission completed👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 and hour and 15 minutes late to my own wedding and we both we very very baked 😂😂😂😂 worth it 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Me: BEEEEEBEEE I wanna adopt a mean ass dog and name him White Boi Carl, I wanna buy him chains and grillzzz beeebe! Husband: baby we can’t… Me: YOU DONT LOVE ME 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 Husband

Have you ever just looked at your co worker and thought “bitch I will legit shit in your shoe, get TF away from me😩😩😩😩”””” Cause same!

My lady business is screaming/tempting me to get some assault and battery charges this cycle 👌🏻👌🏻 real cute

How many times do you guys wear a sweater/sweatshirt before you wash it? Tbh I’m a one time wear kind of gal but it has been brought to my attention that you can make the sweater last up to SIX wears. IDK man it ain’t for me 💁🏻‍♀️

Girls when hiking: Should I wear shorts or leggings? BITCH wear some gawd damn hiking pants cause them mosquitoes/other fucking insects are out here with the vengeance! No time to be cute when I’m applying a light coat of bug spray every 20 minutes.

To the co worker that replaced my triple ply toilet paper with 2 ply BITCH YOUR DAYS ARE FUCKING NUMBERED and I hate you!

If you roll up to an animal hospital and say “hi, picking up meds for Bella” I fucking hate you… Please be prepared when you enter any fucking establishment you lazy assholes!! I’m not a fucking mind reader and I have seen 700 Bella’s since this morning. Last name bitch

I fucking hate so many people right now. Like I talk, A LOT, so if I’m not talking, the voices start plotting, and when the voices start plotting then I start mentally preparing myself for an alternative lifestyle in prison. Proof there’s not enough midol and weed in the world!

I made arroz blanco con elote, brought the leftovers to work, had my co workers try it all to tell me it’s “too salty” that’s because you basic ass bitches ain’t never heard of chicken knorr before👏🏻 I fucking hate it here 😑😑 #FloridaProblems #ItsNotCorrectHere