There I go again typing “mom” into the search bar on Facebook.

Game idea: challenge your friends with “what are the odds that you start a fitness insta account”

75 favs and I’ll list my friend Austin’s car on Craigslist.

I wish I liked bert kreischer’s standup, you feel me Tom Segura AKA Mr. Ladybug?

“For all their generosity of spirit, they password protect their wireless?”

All I’m saying is that it’s really nice to be working from home because I can always look up and see Apple TV screensavers rolling. Blessed.

*gives dog dog food* *gives dog treats* *dog still eats grass and mulch and kitchen crumbs*

Hey Bill Meck, how many retweets would it take for me to help you do the weather one day?

I made a summer playlist and I’m still adding songs every day. You can use it if you want! Or not, doesn’t bother me. open.spotify.com/playlist/08Yd0…

Thank y’all for the support on this haha like this tweet plz I want to do the weather it’s my dream make sure Bill sees this plz

On This Day in Sports History (June 15, 2018): A silver Subaru turns right onto Maynard Avenue in Seattle prior to the top of the 2nd inning between the Red Sox and Mariners.

It’s a store called “hats” and we are all ok with it

Kenny look like John Mayer mixed with every Jersey Shore cast member #theBachelorette

Today, I was at goodwill and a man walked up to me and said “do you read good” and I said yes and then he handed me two pairs of maternity pants and asked what size they were. I said “women’s large maternity pants” and he said “oh”

People always assume”Nick” is short for “Nicholas”. However, my full name is Nickelback Alex Bernard.

Only tweeting so you all see my new name. Hope you like it.

I love when Matty Healy starts hurling thoughts into the abyss on Twitter. Inspiring.

Brian Bates If they can track Santa then they can track us all

Apple TV really dropping the ball on this Messi broadcast. Absolutely chaotic.

They didn’t even bother to give direct audio or video on the #messi event. No clue what’s going on and Apple TV clearly doesn’t know either.