Did I predict this shit or what

One kokopelli decoration is the gateway drug to an entire house full of kokopellis

If you meet a girl and she plays hard to get, it's either cuz she thinks you're ugly, or she has herpes #trust

Overhearing conversations in Portland coffee shops is quite possibly more entertaining than the Internet and television combined

Whenever I OD on caffeine, this lil guy in my head jumps up and down screaming "I LOVE COFFEE! I LOVE COFFEEEEEGIMMEEMOOOORE" is this normal

Lady in line behind me at security, you can stop laughing at yer own joke about your underwire bra not going through. Wasn't funny 5 min ago

Ladies, ladies. Don't date a man who uses hand sanitizer. He's probably terrified of vaginas

One Man Can Make One Woman Hate All Mens

Google should just immediately tell you if the person you googled is gay or not.

Walmart has 18 million likes on Facebook. Umm whut are y'all doin? You okay?

Yooo write all your papers in Baskerville: opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/08/08/hea…

Hello New York. You look lovely today.

Before Siri we had Awesome Bowtie Guy: youtube.com/watch?v=9bjve6…

I cannot date guys who purchase their own blankets. This is what moms are for, a.i.r.?

Printer "of color" is the preferred term, actually.

If you're gonna kill yourself, at least do it behind suicide doors

As an immigrant kid the Lord & Taylor logo was mystifying; so was the letter D in Disney that I swore was a G for yeears

Cats Money Weed

Look. I’m all for texting. But 100 of the time, the conversation WILL end the very second you put a hashtag in your text. Stop that shit

No longer looking for a job. Finna provide tech support for old people in exchange for food, medicine, and sage advice.