Lesson of the day. If you wanna do LSD and not get embarrassed on a 911 call, don't buy the cheap shit. Get Grade A and trip balls proper.

Been doing this job for a year now, in a mostly rural area but it wasn't until today that I got a call of a drunk guy simply know as Bubba.

When it's your day off but you gotta work to cover shift for someone who covered your shift.

So my wife filled my nice sealed coffee jar with her shitty instant coffee dirt. I didn't realize till after I made some and took a drink.

Taking a sick day. Unfortunately it's because I'm actually sick...

General update your friendly neighborhood dispatcher is now also your friendly neighborhood part time deputy.

And because this is the first time I've had more than one day in a row actually off since January. Current status =

My dispatch partner has taken up watching gross-out medical videos. Not sure which ones he's watching but his reaction comments are great.

It's been so uneventful my coworker and I spent most of the night just figure out a song stuck in his head... it was Head Band by B.o.B

Summer Hate; the heat, call volume, the heat, the bugs, the heat, also the heat Love; no fucking 6:30am school bus slowing my drive home.

Some days it's just worth the effort to be funny or gritty, it just feels like every1 vs u and it's time to wave the white flag. #mydaytoday

A sign of blessings You heat up your shrimp ramen cup without 911 interruption and you find not 1 not 2 but THREE of those extra tiny shrimp

Nothing will ruin your work drive and passion quicker than a toxic coworker. The rotation change was hectic but I'm on a much better team.

I'm finally back!!! The biggest down side of a new phone is when you can't remember your Twitter login...

Almost got through the night without a stupid 911 call then a Methican American calls saying they found a dead body on Google Earth.

From previous night Dude tosses cig butt in playground woodchips and it catches Calls in 911 "I'd like to report a spontaneous combustion"

Dear White Peoples, especially millennials. Why must your brats name have a unneeded x in it? Ive seen a Braxton Jaxon and a Claxton today

When your jailers are so stupid that the inmates give actual good advise on running the jail...

Been the type of day where I go out and buy a new Bible then immediately go out drinking with the squad. #needjesus #butstillwild

Deranged is back y'all. It's been really hard tweet lately. Feelings major burnout at the job. What do y'all do for dealing with burnout?