I’ve had 22 first days of school in my short 25 years of life, and barring any unforeseen circumstances, today was my very last one

I just ate a full box of spaghetti (cooked), an entire bag of doritos (cool ranch), and a whole pan of brownies (homemade). I’m kind of ashamed, but also kind of proud

There’s a new Taco Bell commercial about sneaking food into a movie theater. Having eaten many a smuggled spicy potato soft taco during a feature film, I’ve never felt such a strong connection to an advertisement in my life

Interviewer: tell me about a challenge you overcame and what tools you used Me: on the way here I got a flat tire, and I changed it with a wrench, a jack, and my own two hands

*looking at an old photo of mom on our lawn mower* Sarah: wow mom looks so young ~simultaneously~ Dad: wow the lawn mower looks so new

Story of when I peaked on my ICU rotation: My patient vaguely fit the clinical presentation of Transfusion Associated Circulatory Overload and on team rounds I described this as “soft TACO”

Found out I matched at 11:07 Attending sent me home at 11:08

Here is how Shark Tank reruns get you: a new episode starts while you are still googling updates on businesses from the previous episode so you don’t have time to turn off the TV before you get sucked in and next thing you know you’ve watched 5 hours worth

On a related note, I just paid $15 to have a personalized potato mailed to my roommate. Thanks, Potato Parcel

Ma: what have you been doing on this gorgeous day? Me: checking the Tendy’s spicy nug tweet every 30 minutes to see if we’ve hit 2 million likes

I was the only one in the theater who laughed when Tolkien’s friend, in reference to a German opera, quipped that “It shouldn’t take 6 hours to tell a story about a magic ring” #TolkienMovie

The world needs to know that I have achieved the ultimate trifecta of at-home Jeopardy! play, which I have defined as: Three (3) consecutive days of correctly responding to three (3) triple stumpers each game, plus getting the triple stumper final Jeopardy! clue on the last day

In the month of May, I graduated from medical school, celebrated a birthday, and traveled to Europe for the first time, yet the most exciting thing to happen to me was the announcement of the return of spicy nuggets

Disney my entire childhood: you better pester your parents into buying this VHS right now because it’s about to go into the vault and never come back Disney now: if your parents have Verizon, you can watch anything we’ve ever made whenever you want for free

Hanging out with the anesthesiologist

This tweet did not get the recognition it deserved 5 years ago. I think about it at least once a week. Finally showed it to crazy chicken lady yesterday, and we laughed for a solid 10 minutes

Crying

The anesthesiology residency interview

.@AustinButler and @TomHanks star in @BazLuhrmann’s #ElvisMovie, only in theaters June 24. #TCB