residential college buildings should not be trending. riot cops shouldn’t be deployed to campuses. y’all what are we DOING

this is dumb. this does not deescalate. this perpetuates the tension that gives cover to the pearl clutching condemnation of these protests

broke: overpaying for terrible bar food while you pound martinis

woke: putting in a takeout order for the thai place across the street while you sip a happy hour frozen cocktail at the bar

we're gonna turn you woke, mike

whew three tweets before 8 am let me relax

it’s almost like bibi doesn’t actually care about the israeli hostages and instead of negotiating a deal that ensures their release he’d rather continue to use their captivity as carte blanche to carpet bomb palestine

i guess dismantling democracy as we know it does technically fall under the umbrella of reshaping america and its role in the world

if i had a nickel for every american tourist facing a lengthy prison sentence in turks and caicos for leaving loose ammo in their bag on their family vacation i’d have five nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened five times

when the right says i don't understand gun culture i guess i agree because i don't think luggage should have a bunch of loose bullets scattered inside like cheerios in the back seat of a minivan

finished my last samoa of girl scout cookie season

90 degrees in april is crazy

New: Ghazala Hashmi has filed paperwork with the state for a lieutenant governor run.

oh he’s BROKE broke

bad decision weather in dc today