i came to the conclussion that my kitchen needs a giant bejeweled spider chandelier and it needs it now

handsome long haired man who walked by me, what if the sudden gust of wind blew snot from my nose into your face

tom: i guess its a little windy by the lake.. as soon as you move away from the lake its not that windy
me: why does the air have to be so fit

me to tom: how you doughin

I fell in love with TOAF years ago and I'm so excited to finally be a part of it! 💓 I'd love to see some you art lovers there! #torontoart #toaf #artintoronto #arttoronto

if I had a poltergeist the thing I'd be terrified of the most is them breaking my phone laptop ipad or headphones

reposting these bc i just found them on my phone and my eyes are tickled again hehehe

saving myself, into my phone

at least theres that

tom: bye ok be safe
me: what? break into his safe?
tom: yess be the bad girl i taught you to be

Me: Tom you gotta remind me to eat my celery or it'll go bad
Tom: Ok wake you up like I'll slap you with a celery stick in the morning and be like ITS CELERY TIME BITCH

This owl stole a kid’s stick-horse toy and has been riding it around town in true Halloween spirit

Tom: that's the thing about owning your own business.. you gotta flow with the go

enjoy the solidarity while youre still solidified

me to my son: alec throw out your popsickle youre not allowed to bring it in the uber
alec: why?
me: if you mess up their car i might get sued
*uber cancels*
me: oh he canceled..
alec: i guess he somehow heard about my little treat

Still love this puppy baby♡♡♡

a bra made of brocolli. bracolli.

A: I like arriving more than travelling. With the exception of walking holidays in france and Spain where I can meet the local cats
me: local cats are the sprinkles on the donut of life