friend of 10+ years told me all this time they thought i went to a women's college, which feels like a read

to the three women seeing pillion by themselves at the 3pm showing, you are my sisters in haggotry ❤️

gathering inspo for how to display my mom's insane glass animal collection when it becomes mine...

This genuinely must be how it feels to live in a historic neighborhood that just opened a millennial owned smash burger bar and grill

after 4 years together billie and i decided to level up our relationship and combined dvd collections

saw an ad with a woman talking about how using frownies is more "values aligned" for her than using botox and i need every company to shut the fuck up

lowering my screen time by making some bullshit

dreamt the chicago belles and chimes chapter was divided into celebrity-led teams and i was stressed about what to wear to impress abhora

fwiw my first consciously horny experience was seeing bradley [redacted] cry in third grade, so let them tears flow boys

fixed it

i often think about when i was 18 and my myspace crush told me his dick was 7.14 inches long (measured with a digital ruler) and i wonder what weird and embarrassing facts people remember about me

sometimes you win a vhs tape at your dad's company picnic that becomes your entire personality for the summer (1998)

sad to report the new m*tski is..... fine

trying to get paneled with insurance companies is going to give me an aneurysm ❤️