Seeing a food labeled TRKY PESTO SDWCH, wondering to myself what’s so tricky about it.

The only 'Bluey' I recognize is the talking horse belonging to my 3-year-old brother's character in the D&D campaign I ran for my family when I was 12.

(The character, by the way, had the wonderfully evocative name of, uh, Horsefighter.)

Just watched “The Untalented Mr. Ripley.” First 30 minutes of the movie is Ripley trying to tune his guitar, but the subsequent rendition of “Wonderwall” is still pretty off key.

I’m still waiting for Solange’s cover of “The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill.”

I sympathize with Oakland, but on the other hand, miserly owners and constant relocation are pretty central to the A's as a premise.

Fake panic attacks.

I’m on tonight’s episode of Krapopolis (8:30 on FOX)!

Unless you’re on the East Coast, in which case I was on it already and I guess you can see it on Hulu.

Should have posted this earlier.

Working on a gritty reboot of Mr. Bean, and let me tell you, he dies pretty quickly.

I don't tell a lot of (non-fictional) stories in my comedy, but when I finally return to the stage, I think the world needs to hear the tale of Krazy Dogz. ('That's Krazy with a K, Dogz with a Z.')

Correction! My first Krapopolis episode is... some other day. Guess they revised the schedule!
(You can watch tonight's episode, of course. It's a good show. I just won't be in this one.)

Go tell 19-year-old Erik, who spent most nights in his dorm room. Simpsons came on at 11, Seinfeld at 11:30, King of the Hill at midnight. 12:30 was… Frasier, I think?

Anyway, tell that kid (a couple years away from even starting comedy) he’s going to be part of this someday.

As of tonight, I will have appeared on a Thursday night NBC show and a Sunday night FOX show. What even is this life?

the maudlin clunk of a bad piano

I’m on Sunday’s episode of KRAPOPOLIS on FOX. Step 1 in my decades-long plan to rise through the ranks and become the new Bart Simpson.

Ash Wednesday: the best Catholic holiday, like no one ever was.

SUREFIRE BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY: finally printing a rulebook that says a dog can’t play basketball.

The nation’s referees NEED this product.

It’s a copy of Gus Weekly, the magazine that features all the hottest gossip about men named Gus.

Are you ready? (Did you know about this?)

Am I ready? (I will be!)

Hollywood! Tonight! Jokes!