overheard an undergrad saying that doing a PhD is like “going to unc college” 💔

i don’t go to the gym to get strong or lose weight i go to build my lung capacity so i can smoke even more cigarettes

When I was in primary school a girl told me that James Blunt opened a club where they only play the song ‘You’re Beautiful’ but they only play specifically the part of the chorus where he says “you’re beautiful”. They never play the “it’s true” part.

In UK GPs they don’t have any stirrups or anything for the smear test. You get in and they just tell you to spread your legs girl

I don’t want to know what DKNY stands for. To me, it stands for ‘Donkey Kong New York’.

in life. there are osterias. there are trattorias. and there are ristorantes.

No relationship is more beautiful than the one between a girl and her reply guy

I went to the Cambridge chop house and everyone there knew you

Y'all mind if a white girl play a little didgeridoo

I’m cycling to this formal and it’s going to rain later (hence rain jacket over the gown) and immediately thought of non-binary slay priest

When I was younger I really thought that using characteristic moles and birthmarks to identify once forgotten figures from my past would play a bigger role in my life

Penile eyes penalize penal lies

look at this

take a boiling-hot shower. open a bottle of sparking orange wine. listen to snail mail. clean your room. try not to scratch your eczema. hire an etsy witch to put a curse on your roommate. and Handle It.

The message of the Great Gatsby is to crash out over a girl and kill yourself. The author is telling you to do that directly in the book. That's the message of that book and many others too

The kitten regretted running away from home, but now she’s afraid to go back and not be welcome anymore.